Today's topic, kids, is vanity. Doesn't a blog, by its very nature, represent vanity?
I'm very vain. As a matter of fact, just today, I threatened to end a relationship with one of my best friends if she continued to tag me in unflattering photographs on Facebook.
I can't control my vanity. I was raised by a very vain woman-we'll call her Mom. I would sit for what seemed like hours to my tiny little brain, watching my mother meticulously apply her make-up. I had her routine memorized. Always the same order, same colors, etc. She went through a particularly long, tramatic phase we'll call the Blue Eyeliner Phase. We line the top lashes with one socially acceptable color and the bottom INSIDE eyelid with bright Blue Eyeliner. Always the bottom, inside. Why, I don't know, but this phase lasted well into the '90s when everyone else stopped wearing Blue Eyeliner. I tried to talk her out of it because I knew she was misguiding me. I think I tested the Blue Eyeliner theory one time and that's when I knew she was wrong. I could devote an entire blog to her hair, as well...but I'll spare you. However, despite her misgivings, my mother created a vanity monster. I am a big advocate of plastic surgeries and wrinkle creams. I would have pickled myself in formaldahyde at 22 if it wouldn't have resulted in my immediate death (death isn't pretty!).
Another result of the vanity gene is the constant need for others to recognize me for being vain. This is where being an actor comes in. Acting feeds the monster. I like to blame everything on my parents, so in addition to blaming my vanity on the hours I spent watching my mother apply her face, I tell people that she didn't hold me enough as a baby and that's why I vie for everyone's attention. A new actor-friend of mine said something along the lines of, "Is it just me or do all actors have a micro-orgasm when they read their name or hear someone say it?" You're not the only one, new actor-friend. Did someone say Carrie? OH! Yes! Right there! Again! Yes! OH! OH! See?
So, I would like to dedicate this blog to my mom. Thank you mom, for teaching me that you should always meticulously apply your face before gracing the world with your presence for the day and for subsequently taking so much time applying said face that you forgot to hold me, because I turned out so much better for it!
I'm very vain. As a matter of fact, just today, I threatened to end a relationship with one of my best friends if she continued to tag me in unflattering photographs on Facebook.
I can't control my vanity. I was raised by a very vain woman-we'll call her Mom. I would sit for what seemed like hours to my tiny little brain, watching my mother meticulously apply her make-up. I had her routine memorized. Always the same order, same colors, etc. She went through a particularly long, tramatic phase we'll call the Blue Eyeliner Phase. We line the top lashes with one socially acceptable color and the bottom INSIDE eyelid with bright Blue Eyeliner. Always the bottom, inside. Why, I don't know, but this phase lasted well into the '90s when everyone else stopped wearing Blue Eyeliner. I tried to talk her out of it because I knew she was misguiding me. I think I tested the Blue Eyeliner theory one time and that's when I knew she was wrong. I could devote an entire blog to her hair, as well...but I'll spare you. However, despite her misgivings, my mother created a vanity monster. I am a big advocate of plastic surgeries and wrinkle creams. I would have pickled myself in formaldahyde at 22 if it wouldn't have resulted in my immediate death (death isn't pretty!).
Another result of the vanity gene is the constant need for others to recognize me for being vain. This is where being an actor comes in. Acting feeds the monster. I like to blame everything on my parents, so in addition to blaming my vanity on the hours I spent watching my mother apply her face, I tell people that she didn't hold me enough as a baby and that's why I vie for everyone's attention. A new actor-friend of mine said something along the lines of, "Is it just me or do all actors have a micro-orgasm when they read their name or hear someone say it?" You're not the only one, new actor-friend. Did someone say Carrie? OH! Yes! Right there! Again! Yes! OH! OH! See?
So, I would like to dedicate this blog to my mom. Thank you mom, for teaching me that you should always meticulously apply your face before gracing the world with your presence for the day and for subsequently taking so much time applying said face that you forgot to hold me, because I turned out so much better for it!
Girl, I'm so vain it's scary. I have never met a mirror I didn't like. That's why I have to sit at the L Bar at Ollies, because you can see those big mirrors across the back from any other place in the bar and then I'd spend the whole time admiring myself.
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