When Dr. Phil Molests You

Benadryl does funny things to the sleeping mind.

First of all, I would just like to sing the praises of Benadryl as a sleep aid. It's non-addictive, practically harmless and makes you sleep like a hibernating bear (at least it has that effect on me, but I could pop a baby Tylenol and it would knock me out).

Let us back up for a moment, shall we? Notice how I said that Benadryl is "practically" harmless? That's because last night I got stuck in an elevator that spun like a washing machine and was molested by Dr. Phil. It was one of the most frightening dreams I've ever had. Getting stuck in an elevator that spun top to bottom and made washing machine sounds paled in comparison to a wild-eyed Dr. Phil frantically chasing me down a corridor trying to grab my goodies. He was ANGRY and I was screaming to any passersby, "Stop Dr. Phil! Bad touches! Bad touches!" I feel sorry for his wife if this is the way he is going to behave. Not very gentlemanly, Dr. Phil. Ask me out to dinner and I might think about it. As a matter of fact, I think that bastard is the one that rigged the demonic elevator to stop with me in it! What I wanna know is where the hell was Oprah when all this was going on? She would have saved me, right?

The good news is Dr. Phil never caught me or touched my goodies because in my dream I could run at the speed of light. Oh, and I got an awesome night's sleep. Thank you, Benadryl!